Service Groups and Faith Alliance
January 17, 2023
Attendees:
Jennifer, Nicole Bernard, Shield; Niki Miller, Shield; Officer Kenneth Ragland, APD; Alison Horowitz, Shield; Danica Coleman, APD; Officer Carter, APD; Kara Matthews, Apex UMC; Jodi Wahba, Shield; Mindy Varkevisser, The Church of Jesus Christ; Regina Issa, The Church of Jesus Christ; Michael Merker, Jordan Lutheran Church; Kerry Crespo, Cary Church; Spencer Bradford, WWCM; Kevin O’Brien, Apex Baptist Church; Phil Welch, The Peak Church, HAB, Sam Kim, New Life Church, Deb Vinci, Shield
Introduction
Overview of the purpose of Service Groups and Faith Alliance was given by Officer Ragland. It was established to help make connections among faith groups and restoration service organizations. It creates a network of people to share resources and bring best practices and prevention.
Nicole Bernard introduced Jennifer and provided her background as a survivor of Familial Trafficking and how she would share with us how to identify those that are in crisis. No recordings will be done today.
Jennifer provided a slide presentation with a wealth of information to allow us to better understand this type of trafficking. Key points follow:
Familial Trafficking: Hidden process of exchanging a family member for goods, substances, rent, services, money, or status within the community. Does not just include a parent selling their children but also grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces/nephews, etc. Starts young and not bound by social class ethnicity or demographics.
Warning Signs
- Sleeping in class, missing classes
- Chronically sad, anxious, mood swings,
- Suicidal
- Labeled promiscuous
- Easily startled, fearful
- Often confused, overwhelmed, dissociated, spaced out, forgetful
- Self-harm behaviors
- Fear of authority, lack of eye contact
- Isolated, withdrawn, quiet
- Hypervigilant
Vulnerabilities
- Being born into an abusive family system
- Divorce/single parenthood/no legal protection
- Domestic violence
- Parents addicted to drugs, alcohol, etc.
- Pornography in the home
- Neglect
- Lack of public awareness
- Low self esteem
- Needing love, acceptance, and approval
- Eager to please
- Poverty
Intervention
Society must be familiar with Familial Trafficking, as a point of reference
- Believe that it is a reality that family members do traffic their children
- Be aware of signs that indicate a child might be trafficked by a family member
Questionnaire concept
- Guides service provider and child with accurate language
- Create with FT survivor input and feedback
- Children don’t know they are being trafficked or what trafficking is
- I.e. law enforcement, survivor, counseling, legal to create this
Familial trafficking training for students, school, staff, churches, etc.
- PowerPoint, film, books, handouts, inviting survivor speakers
- Domestic Violence training to explain the dynamics of an abusive family system
Victims need to know there is at least one designated safe person to tell: a school nurse, teacher, counselor, church member, pastor, coach, social worker, librarian, etc.
Safety Plan – Create with multiple service providers, such as law enforcement, counselors, school staff, etc. for future intervention
- Domestic Violence Safety Plan as model
Barriers
No safe place to go
- Other family members?
- Multi-generational abuse, enabling and loyalty within the family system
- CPS? Foster Care? Residential?
- Verbal threats/verbal abuse as method of controlling the child
- I will kill your sibling if you tell
- No one will ever love you, because you’re just a whore
- Verbal abuse creates a child’s belief system and self-identity
- Lack of trauma and traffick informed systems…labeled with things other than the issue (mentally ill, learning disabled, delinquent, teen prostitute, ADHD bipolar, promiscuous, troubled, addict, runaway vs. abused, victimized, sexually exploited, and traumatized
Fear of adults/Authority figures
- Children learn & accept adults betray and harm
- Difficult for children to receive love, support and guidance
- Unsafe is normal; don’t recognize safety
- Taught to not trust outsiders
- Filled with shame
- Abusers train to believed they are the problem, reinforced by psychiatry
Dependency on family trafficker and enablers for shelter, food, etc.
- Book by Kenneth Adams, Silently Seduced
- Trauma Bonded – hard to break
- Stockholm Syndrome
- Chronic abuse is normalized, especially with long term and ongoing grooming that begins at an early age. No choice but to adapt, expect and accept it in order to survive. It’s all they know.
Residential/Ongoing Support
- Two year residential to decompress, deprogram, & transition from danger to safety. Victims have suffered severe ongoing physical, emotional, and mental injuries that require long term care.
- Support groups, grief therapy, C-PTSR management, peer support, life skills training, vocational rehabilitation, independent living specialist (ILS) assigned to implement needed accommodations.
- Jennifer suggests using the term Post Traumatic Stress Response instead of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because she doesn’t having her response to her victimization labeled as a “disorder”.
Recovery
- 12 Step Programs: childhood trauma, addiction, codependency…. lifelong healing
- PTSR: Fight, flight, freeze, fawn
- Complex PTSD by Pete Walker
- The Body Keeps the Score Bessel Van der Kolk
Deprogramming
- Lies vs. truth
- The abuse was my fault
- I needed love and attention, so I asked for it
- He/she loves me
Childhood Loss
Adult Loss – orphans for life
Faith based resources
Diane Langberg
Joyce Meyer – Beauty for Ashes
2 Cor 1:3-4
If Only – Had there been just one caring adult I could have told when I was a child that understood what was Familial Trauma was and knew the right questions to ask, then I could have been rescued….Jennifer
Questions:
What questions should we ask when we suspect a child is being trafficked? Pay attention to the signs, establish rapport and then can ask questions. Needs more development.
- Do you feel safe at home? Why are you always falling asleep in class? Not able to sleep at home? Why do you keep running away from home? Why don’t you want to go with her/him?
Spiritual healing is comprehensive. How can this be part of the solution? Very integral part of the solution and can be part of prior generational experience or generational curse. Requires daily study of God’s Word and finding comfort in Him.
How to pull in a team. Safe Child (Danica) is a house for a place can talk with children. One contact and monitored by a team. Call CPS first. Parents must be spoken to but CPS will remove the child immediately. Look at the website to see what triggers are causing you to feel the need to call.
Resources:
- Apex Methodist uses Safe Sanctuary to train childcare or preschool workers to identify abuse situations and assist.
- Safe Child is a great place to call to assist a child who is experiencing abuse.
- Know the 5 Protective Factors that help prevent child abuse or neglect.
- EVERYONE over the age of 18 is now a mandatory reporter in NC. If you know or suspect a child is being abused, we are all mandated to report it to police or Child Protective Services. Call the Child Protection Report Line at 919.212.7990 (English) or 919.212.7963 (Spanish)
- Danica Coleman is the Victim’s Advocate at Apex Police Department. Danica.coleman@apexnc.org (Danica is amazing and has been recognized for her advocacy work! Read about it here. Or here. )
Resources
Books:
1. What They Couldn’t Take, A Memoir of Survival from Familial Sex Trafficking, by Adira James
2. The Long Shadow of Darkness, by Jody and Vicki Dalia
3. Leaving The Life, by Jessa Dillow Crisp
4. On The Threshold of Hope, by Diane Langberg
5. The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk
6. Rid of My Disgrace, by Justin and Lindsey Holcomb
7. Trauma and Recovery, by Judith Herman
8. In the Aftermath, by Beverly Moore
9. The Betrayal Bond, by Patrick Carnes
10. Silently Seduced, by Kenneth Adams
11. Door of Hope, by Jan Frank
12. The Rescued Soul, by Christina Enevoldsen
13. Trauma and Addiction, by Tian Dayton
14. The Christian’s Guide to No Contact, by Renee Pitelli
15. Journey to Heal, by Crystal Sutherland
16. It’s Not About the Sex, by John DiGirolamo
17. Groomed, by Elizabeth Melendez Fisher Good
18. Healing Every Day, by Mary DeMuth
19. Women Unsilenced, by Jeanne Sarson & Linda MacDonald
20. Beauty for Ashes, by Joyce Meyer
21. What Happened to Me? by Toni Mckinley
22. Healing the Child Within, by Charles Whitfield
23. Healing the Shame that Binds You, by John Bradshaw
24. Mending the Soul, by Steven Tracy
25. Complex PTSD, by Pete Walker
26. Walking With Survivors of Sex Trafficking, by Mary Frances Bowley
27. It’s Not About the Sex, by John Digirolamo
28. Helping Victims of Sexual Abuse, by Lynn Heitritter & Jeanette Vought
29. Healing Every Day, by Mary Demuth
30. We Too, by Mary Demuth
31. The Heart of a Healer, Trauma Informed Biblical Counseling, by Chris Lim
32. Becoming a Church that Cares Well for the Abused, by Brad Hambrick
33. Suffering & the Heart of God, by Diane Langberg
34. Counseling Survivors of Sexual Abuse, by Diane Langberg
Familial Trafficking Warning Signs & Vulnerabilities of Child or Teenager 2022
Visitors not allowed Isolated from peers Not able to sit comfortably due to injury Sleeping or “spaced out” Overt sexual behavior in a public place/class Looking at porn, drawing sexual pictures, sexual speech Dissociation Child talks about having to pay for things for the family, or care for them (parentification) Abnormal loyalty or attachment to a family member Lack of understanding one’s changing body Parents addicted to drugs/alcohol without means to pay for it Family working extra hard to appear “perfect” to the outside (as cover up) Chronically shy, trouble with conversation, overly sad Frequent STDs, UTIs, scratching of crotch, particularly among young child Infections of the throat Health issues no one can pinpoint the cause, such GI issues, anus or pelvic pain Reenacting abuse with toys Drawing graphic pictures or writing graphic themes Overreaction to not perfecting school work Purchasing lubricant at the drugstore Physical bruises, blood evident on clothing Going “mute” in stressful situations or other trauma responses that might seem excessive in the circumstance where they appear Suicidal tendencies, self-harm behaviors Parents refusing child access to school counselor/psychologist Often characterized as “loner, troublemaker, tattle-tale, defiant, rebellious, promiscuous, runaway, learning disabled, problem child, sensitive child, liar, complicated.” Pornography in the home, is normalized by family or child Mother was prostituted Childhood overt and covert sexual abuse (incest) Family is isolated, avoids community involvement Poverty (though not in all cases) Transient, always on the move Lack of opportunities for kids to participate in community or school activities Neglect, verbal, emotional, and/or incest in the family Single family household Child picks at skin, bites nails, hits oneself, or pulls hair Speech Impaired – stuttering, unable to speak clearly Confused about sexual identity Labeled with a psychiatric dx such as ADHD or Bipolar On psychiatric drugs School truancy Sudden changes in appearance: tattoos, colored hair, piercings Sudden outbursts of anger Easily triggered Forgetful, unable to concentrate due traumatic stress and dissociative responses Always sad, without joy Hypersexual, obsessed with sex Unusually fearful and anxious Fear of being left alone or abandoned Overeating, undereating Spending too much time in the bathroom Bad grades, lack of homework assignments and classroom participation Unable to say no or stand up for oneself Low self-esteem and self-worth Without packed lunches from home or money for school lunches Without a place to go after school Unusual or inconsistent strangers picking up child from school Without friends at school Wearing the same clothes daily, torn or dirty clothes, wrong size clothes Lack of hygiene (body, hair, teeth) Intolerance to loud noises, sudden movements, bright lights Terrified of getting into someone’s car Obsessed with death Easily bullied, bullies others, provokes fights Unable to cope with simple requests or tasks, easily overwhelmed Spending too much time on the phone, or has multiple cell phones Inability to trust Difficulty walking Difficulty listening or focusing, unable to concentrate Desperate need for love, attention, approval, and acceptance Lots of boyfriends or girlfriends, always going from one to the next Easily distracted Often exhausted, lack of energy Appearing malnourished Lack of eye contact Fear of authority, fear of God Submissive Unclear and disjointed handwriting Communication sounds rehearsed or scripted as though coming from someone else Unusually hostile or resentful Hunched over, unable to stand up straight Inconsistent behavior and attitude (happy one day, next day in despair or terror) Red eyes and face from crying, dilated pupils (caused by dissociation and terror) Often and easily confused Excessive escaping into books Pushing others away, refusing attempts to comfort Emotionally numb Excessive efforts to please, desperate for approval Carries high level of shame in the body and speech (low or high pitched voice) Unable to grasp the concept of “safety” or feeling safe Tight muscles in the body (as natural defense from incoming trauma and neglect) Asthmatic, difficulty breathing Fidgety, unable to concentrate or sit still
Jennifer, BA, Survivor Leader, Mentor, Advocate